Raising the child – The Nature way or the Nurture way or both?


English: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linda_an...

English: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linda_and_Terry_Jamison A Photo of Linda and Terry Jamison, who are identical twins, photo for their info box on en.wikipedia. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Do you hear things like “My son talks like his dad” or “My daughter has taken on her Mum when it comes to her obstinacy”?


I, too ,feel like my mother when I worry about my daughter or scold her for her carelessness.We all have our predecessors inside us and we all see our reflection in our children,Thanks to our genes.In the september issue of Readers Digest, I read about two identical twins where one always bears the physical pain of the other.


David Reiss, a psychiatrist at George Washington university who worked on a study of adolescent development for twelve years ,claims that genetic influences are largely responsible for how well kids do in school, how they get along with their peers,whether they get involved in dangerous or delinquent behavior.Believers of this theory go to the extent of propagating ‘Serenity Parenting” that takes away all the pressure off parents by believing that we are what we are born with.Parents cannot make a difference in the long run.They might impact the thoughts and actions of their children for the time they have to listen to them but they can never make a permanent influence.


We are well aware of  lot of parents who genuinely feel responsible for all that their children do.They firmly value themselves as the sculptors of their children.Hail “Tiger Parenting” that believes in effort model of achievement.Consistent guidance,constant encouragement and persistent pressure to excel motivate the child to realize his full potential.


For me,the key again is Balance.It is neither Nature nor Nurture, it is both.A child carries some characteristic imprints in the form of genes that influence him.At the same time, presence of parents is the biggest present for a child.


Let us observe our children closely to understand what they have brought with themselves and raise them in sync with their temperament.


Effortful Control – Magic key for raising children


Child & Computer

Child & Computer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Does it happen to your child that he has an important assignment to finish, yet he can’t resist watching his favorite show on television.


Do you find your child losing his temper even when he realizes the consequences attached to it?


Does it happen to you too when you give in the temptation of eating that extra piece of cake or sleeping merrily in your gym hour?If we or our kids do it regularly,we need to assess our effortful control.


EFFORTFUL  CONTROL is the ability to do what we don’t want to do and the ability to not do what we eagerly want to do at that point of time.


We need to condition our minds to rationally decide upon our actions and teach our kids to develop effortful control.It begins with toilet training of the child and continues throughout the life.A child needs to be made  to understand that he can’t wear his favorite dress everyday or eat a pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner.


A tween needs to realize that she can’t apply makeup or wear jewelry to school.A teen needs to understand that he can’t spend all his waking time with his friends.


We as parents need to develop effortful control ourselves(bye-bye extra cheese and extra sleep).We need to communicate clearly and incessantly to our children to keep a check on their emotions and actions.


Each time I hear about a girl committing suicide, an adolescent colliding in speed with a vehicle,a teacher abusing a student in a fit of rage,a senior going overboard during  rampant ragging sessions in college,I tell myself to teach effortful control to myself and those around me.


Look at the Moon.Imagine what will happen if it refuses to rotate around earth out of boredom or gets delayed in waxing and waning as he was busy on Facebook.


Grandparenting is ‘grand’ parenting!!



Matti (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


You may find it odd but this is a fact.


My 12 year old has four best friends-her paternal and maternal grandparents.She has her joy time with all of them which is full of fun and learning.


I never imagined that my doctor dad who is very quiet, would share his childhood secrets with her.They play chess together .They water the plants together and give high fives on discovering a new pod in the bushes.She keeps a photograph of her grandpa holding her at her bedside and sees it first thing in the morning.


My mom,a hardcore disciplinarian feeds her all the nutritious soya cakes,mixed vegetable porridges, using her convincing skills and culinary expertise.I would lose my patience thinking about it only while she performs the inconceivable task of feeding her with a pure healthy diet everyday.The best part is they play badminton and do power yoga together.


My dad-in -law is a wonderful man with a superb sense of humor.He is a carom champion and a master storyteller.My daughter never finishes her day without listening to his funny anecdotes.They bond like best buddies and make all of us laugh.


My mum -in-law is physically challenged due to an accident that was almost fatal but her indomitable spirit and love for life is infectious.She is extremely fond of music and my little one is training to be a classical singer.They sing and enjoy themselves.


This is a life chosen by me and my husband where our parents are the best friends of our daughter.


Believe me, it is not a fairy tale as we all are individuals with different tastes, aspirations and expectations.Still,we have made it work because it is worth it.Grandparenting is a boon for the young children who can get the most trusted friends in their grandparents who double up as the best guides when it comes to answer the tough questions of life.


For every MOON PARENT,grandparenting is ‘GRAND’ parenting!


36 - High Five

36 – High Five (Photo credit: Holtsman)