Level 5 Leadership in Family

Tata

When Jim Collins researched 1435 Fortune 500 Companies on seven parameters to find ‘great’ companies from ‘good’ companies, he found 11 companies which showed elements of greatness.

Eleven out of 1435 companies is around 0.007%. Quality of Leadership cannot be judged at that time. It makes more sense historically when we look back after a decade or so to assess the impact of leadership on the wellness of an organisation.

Similarly, parenting cannot be assessed in the present. It makes more sense when we look back and ask our adult children about impact of our parenting skills on their wellness.

Can level 5 leadership practiced at home, turn good families to great families?

Can we create a level 5 hierarchy at home to make step by step growth as an individual, then a spouse and finally as a parent.

Level 5

Great Parents

Building enduring greatness and legacy as a family with humility and ferocious will

 Level 4

Effective Parents

Consistent upgradation for better performance as parents, stimulating each other for cohesion and achieving long term family goals

Level 3

Competent Family Managers

Organising resources and strengthening willingness to prepare for becoming parents. Aligning long term goals with a planned parental shift

Level 2

Contributing Spouse / Contributing to Home (If Single)

Developing competence to work as a team of two, forming a family vision, strengthening the bond, working on duo dynamics

Level 1

Highly Capable Individual

Who has talent, value system and discipline

Level 1 requires an individual to be capable before starting a new family. He/She should possess a personal value system, balanced attitude and behavior with ethical habits and professional skills.

At level 2, two people come together to form an alliance for life. They become a two member team contributing to matrimony. This level requires fine tuning of personal objectives to make place for shared objectives. This level requires a mental shift for the two people who plan to start a new life together.

At level 3, the duo prepares for another shift as they find out if they have an emotion called parenting. If they find this emotion, they prepare themselves for the next role by allocating resources and aligning their personalities for the same. It is utmost important to prepare beforehand.

Level 4 requires periodic assessment of parenting skills so that up-gradation of knowledge, soft skills can be done. Various stages of child development need various parenting styles and parentability skills. Good families evolve to reach this level. Parents raise themselves before raising their children.

Level 5 transforms good families into great families as parents exhibit paradoxical qualities of humility and fierce will power. Only a few families will reach to this level because it is very difficult to get a mother father team who manifest deep humility and strong will power.

If they exemplify these traits, families become legendary as they earn respect & admiration for their achievements. They inspire awe and follower-ship for creating a cohesive family unit comprising of affectionate and confident children.

We need to work on parameters that would classify great families or family leaders over a period of thirty to fifty years.

Birla Family

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Dr. Swati Lodha is an Author, Entrepreneur, Motivational Speaker, Parenting expert based in Mumbai. Having written Bestsellers like Come on get set go  &  Why Women are What they are, her book on Parenting will be published soon. Currently, she is running Life Lemonade which offers unique Training Programs on Life Transformation, High Performance Leadership, Women Issues and Parenting.

Connect with Dr. Swati Lodha on Linkedin, Twitter @drswatilodha Facebook

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3 Ways to manage Conflict at Home and Work Place

Conflicts are inherent to our social life. They are integral to growth and change. We face conflicts within, we experience conflicts when dealing with various people in family, in social circles and at workplace.

Conflicts are latent in the beginning and start developing if not addressed in the beginning only. We as individuals intend to deny the conflict in the nascent stage but when it starts causing symptoms like frustration, unhappiness, frequent disagreement, we have to recognize the existence of a certain conflict; we need to find ways to manage the conflict before it turns into an aggressive one.

Many organizational leaders have admitted that they learn conflict management skills from their mothers and wives who succeed in handling many conflicts using various techniques – early handling of conflict, continuous negotiating or building up rapports with many people.

A homemaker deals regularly with a fleet of domestic help, maid, driver, grocery vendors, and service providers for gadgets. A mother deals with sibling conflicts, conflicts of kids with her / family and her inner conflicts. Extended families in India intensify or pacify conflicts depending on their personnel equation with you or your family.

If we are able to solve the conflicts arising in our families, they teach us lessons to manage organizational conflicts.

  • A keen observation of each family member gives us a fair idea about their thoughts, behavior and expectations. Our observations can help us smell the brewing conflicts before they become too strong to handle.
  • Unmet expectations cause major conflicts which can be handled by effective communication. When we dive deep within, we can see the seeds of dissent / disagreement that are causing the conflict. Discussion with the other person using assertive and empathetic words can resolve the conflict.
  • Feeling of possessiveness and a desire to control leads to many conflicts in the family. Ego clashes and a bossy attitude kill many relationships in the organisations. It is very important for seniors in the family and leaders in the organisations to have emotional intelligence (self awareness) to deal with their self love. Hierarchies are getting smoothened at unprecedented pace, let us imbibe that.

The major conflict hotbeds in a family: mother – in – law & daughter – in – law, husband – wife, sibling – sibling, parent – offspring create more conflict scenarios than many organisations and offer multiple, creative solutions too.

The biggest difference though is the way we look at conflicts in family and conflicts at work.

In family, we try to accept the differences and develop coping strategies as we think life term (not short term or long term). In organisations, we manage conflicts with a ‘fix it’ approach and we have a choice of keeping it short term or letting it go.

Keeping a check on egos, expectations, possessiveness can nip a lot of familial conflicts in the bud. Families flourish when difference of opinions / choices is respected and long term happy togetherness is cherished as a goal.

“CAN WE JUXTAPOSE THE SAME IN OUR ORGANISATIONS?”

 

Raising the child – The Nature way or the Nurture way or both?

 

English: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linda_an...

English: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linda_and_Terry_Jamison A Photo of Linda and Terry Jamison, who are identical twins, photo for their info box on en.wikipedia. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Do you hear things like “My son talks like his dad” or “My daughter has taken on her Mum when it comes to her obstinacy”?

 

I, too ,feel like my mother when I worry about my daughter or scold her for her carelessness.We all have our predecessors inside us and we all see our reflection in our children,Thanks to our genes.In the september issue of Readers Digest, I read about two identical twins where one always bears the physical pain of the other.

 

David Reiss, a psychiatrist at George Washington university who worked on a study of adolescent development for twelve years ,claims that genetic influences are largely responsible for how well kids do in school, how they get along with their peers,whether they get involved in dangerous or delinquent behavior.Believers of this theory go to the extent of propagating ‘Serenity Parenting” that takes away all the pressure off parents by believing that we are what we are born with.Parents cannot make a difference in the long run.They might impact the thoughts and actions of their children for the time they have to listen to them but they can never make a permanent influence.

 

We are well aware of  lot of parents who genuinely feel responsible for all that their children do.They firmly value themselves as the sculptors of their children.Hail “Tiger Parenting” that believes in effort model of achievement.Consistent guidance,constant encouragement and persistent pressure to excel motivate the child to realize his full potential.

 

For me,the key again is Balance.It is neither Nature nor Nurture, it is both.A child carries some characteristic imprints in the form of genes that influence him.At the same time, presence of parents is the biggest present for a child.

 

Let us observe our children closely to understand what they have brought with themselves and raise them in sync with their temperament.

 

Effortful Control – Magic key for raising children

 

Child & Computer

Child & Computer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Does it happen to your child that he has an important assignment to finish, yet he can’t resist watching his favorite show on television.

 

Do you find your child losing his temper even when he realizes the consequences attached to it?

 

Does it happen to you too when you give in the temptation of eating that extra piece of cake or sleeping merrily in your gym hour?If we or our kids do it regularly,we need to assess our effortful control.

 

EFFORTFUL  CONTROL is the ability to do what we don’t want to do and the ability to not do what we eagerly want to do at that point of time.

 

We need to condition our minds to rationally decide upon our actions and teach our kids to develop effortful control.It begins with toilet training of the child and continues throughout the life.A child needs to be made  to understand that he can’t wear his favorite dress everyday or eat a pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

 

A tween needs to realize that she can’t apply makeup or wear jewelry to school.A teen needs to understand that he can’t spend all his waking time with his friends.

 

We as parents need to develop effortful control ourselves(bye-bye extra cheese and extra sleep).We need to communicate clearly and incessantly to our children to keep a check on their emotions and actions.

 

Each time I hear about a girl committing suicide, an adolescent colliding in speed with a vehicle,a teacher abusing a student in a fit of rage,a senior going overboard during  rampant ragging sessions in college,I tell myself to teach effortful control to myself and those around me.

 

Look at the Moon.Imagine what will happen if it refuses to rotate around earth out of boredom or gets delayed in waxing and waning as he was busy on Facebook.

 

Am I still a Bulletproof Parent?

 

Candles spell out the traditional English birt...

Candles spell out the traditional English birthday greeting (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Last weekend ,my daughter was invited for a birthday party and I dread these invitations.First, I don’t know the child’s parents.Second, I keep waiting for a call from the mother who is organizing this party in the gaming zone of a posh mall.Third, my daughter wants to go .Another concerned mother calls to check if i am sending my child with a small paper invitation from the classmate who has told them that they have to be there.

 

After lot of pondering, we decide to take turns to stay in the mall till they have the party.I decide to drop both the girls while she chooses to pick them up .I stay in the mall for one hour, browsing books(in the store closest to the gaming zone) while the other mother comes for the next hour.(The card says they the party will last for two hours).When the other mother reaches to pick up the kids, the hosts had already left and the children (sixteen in total) were busy deciding on their prizes from the points won.

 

I took a pledge that I won’t send her for any birthday party till I know the parents well enough that I could tell them to stay with the invited children till the last kid is picked up.

 

Am I a Bulletproof parent or others are islands who just care about themselves?

 

The 4-2-1 syndrome

Fatherhood, By Robert Scoble

Fatherhood, By Robert Scoble (Photo credit: Thomas Hawk)

The number of children suffering from the 4-2-1 syndrome is on a rise or it could be called a 4-2-2 syndrome too.Well, it refers to four over indulgent grandparents and two busy parents taking care of one (or two) child. This over attention and over protection would certainly harm the child

When I talked about Grand Parenting, some parents talked about this over showering of love by the grandparents.

I, a believer of Moon Parenting, would repeat,”BALANCE is the key.”

Communicate with your parents and parents-in-law about the common goal-raising balanced children who can feast as well as fast with equal ease.Remind them that they were never  lenient and indulgent as parents and that you appreciated that.

We need to find new ways to make our children realize that money doesn’t grow in credit cards and happiness doesn’t actually mean eating a happy meal.Grand Parents come in really handy to drive this point home provided we can work as a wonderful flock of doves who fly in a V-Shaped formation.The dove flying in the front helps the dove flying behind him as his wing movement reduces the effort of  the dove back in line by 30 percent.When the leading dove gets tired, the dove in the back replaces him to maintain the momentum .

Hail Team Parenting.It is fun and fruitful.

Are You an ISLAND PARENT?

I have presented to you a Rainbow of parents, starting from YES PARENTS and BULLETPROOF PARENTS on the one end of the spectrum to POLARISED PARENTS and ISLAND PARENTS on the other end.We will discuss the ideal lying in the middle…MOON PARENTS later.

Since you are reading this post, I can assume that you are not an Island Parent but you must have surely come across some of them.For them, kids are just not on their agenda.Though they be parents but they are not interested in becoming parents.

I met one of my workshop participants recently who is a three month old mom.She confided in me,”I am back to work next month.I miss a stimulating adult conversation the whole day. Earlier, I would do big negotiations for my company and what i end up doing now is to negotiate with my domestic help.”

My mind was thinking about the importance of first 2000 days in the growth of a child.I can’t forget a mother from kolkata, a company secretary by profession who told me,”When my first boy slipped in my arms, I saw myself in the mirror and waved to myself to say good bye for 1000 days.”

A mother who loves to be a Vacation Mom…A father who forgets the grade in which his child studies…A mother who can’t fit in a meeting with her child’s counsellor in her busy schedule…A father who signs all the cheques but forgets to keep a check…

Think,do we deserve to be parents?