Effortful Control – Magic key for raising children

 

Child & Computer

Child & Computer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Does it happen to your child that he has an important assignment to finish, yet he can’t resist watching his favorite show on television.

 

Do you find your child losing his temper even when he realizes the consequences attached to it?

 

Does it happen to you too when you give in the temptation of eating that extra piece of cake or sleeping merrily in your gym hour?If we or our kids do it regularly,we need to assess our effortful control.

 

EFFORTFUL  CONTROL is the ability to do what we don’t want to do and the ability to not do what we eagerly want to do at that point of time.

 

We need to condition our minds to rationally decide upon our actions and teach our kids to develop effortful control.It begins with toilet training of the child and continues throughout the life.A child needs to be made  to understand that he can’t wear his favorite dress everyday or eat a pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

 

A tween needs to realize that she can’t apply makeup or wear jewelry to school.A teen needs to understand that he can’t spend all his waking time with his friends.

 

We as parents need to develop effortful control ourselves(bye-bye extra cheese and extra sleep).We need to communicate clearly and incessantly to our children to keep a check on their emotions and actions.

 

Each time I hear about a girl committing suicide, an adolescent colliding in speed with a vehicle,a teacher abusing a student in a fit of rage,a senior going overboard during  rampant ragging sessions in college,I tell myself to teach effortful control to myself and those around me.

 

Look at the Moon.Imagine what will happen if it refuses to rotate around earth out of boredom or gets delayed in waxing and waning as he was busy on Facebook.

 

What has my child taught me?

 

A child jumping

A child jumping (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

It is a very simple question unless we want to answer it.

 

When did I last thank my child for making me learn something new or something that i had forgot over the years?

 

As a life transformation coach,I have come across thousands of children in last fifteen years and they all have taught me in their own unique ways.(I have an abundant supply of this emotion called Parenting)

 

I have learnt from these children to value’The Power of Now‘.Children don’t know how to worry for the future. We teach them how to worry.The other day , my daughter had an assessment at school and she was merrily reading a Ruskin Bond novel.I reminded her twice in a fearful tone about her coming assessment.

 

“Is it essential to worry?”she asked me.

 

Children have hourly goals and daily dreams but they are the most important tasks till they last.

 

My daughter has taught me to be enthusiastic.She can make everything fresh and happening with her exuberance.She is excited to open a new bar of soap, she looks forward to meet her home room teacher everyday.

 

Lets learn from our children as much as we want them to learn from us.I am sure they will beat us hollow.