Raising the child – The Nature way or the Nurture way or both?

 

English: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linda_an...

English: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linda_and_Terry_Jamison A Photo of Linda and Terry Jamison, who are identical twins, photo for their info box on en.wikipedia. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Do you hear things like “My son talks like his dad” or “My daughter has taken on her Mum when it comes to her obstinacy”?

 

I, too ,feel like my mother when I worry about my daughter or scold her for her carelessness.We all have our predecessors inside us and we all see our reflection in our children,Thanks to our genes.In the september issue of Readers Digest, I read about two identical twins where one always bears the physical pain of the other.

 

David Reiss, a psychiatrist at George Washington university who worked on a study of adolescent development for twelve years ,claims that genetic influences are largely responsible for how well kids do in school, how they get along with their peers,whether they get involved in dangerous or delinquent behavior.Believers of this theory go to the extent of propagating ‘Serenity Parenting” that takes away all the pressure off parents by believing that we are what we are born with.Parents cannot make a difference in the long run.They might impact the thoughts and actions of their children for the time they have to listen to them but they can never make a permanent influence.

 

We are well aware of  lot of parents who genuinely feel responsible for all that their children do.They firmly value themselves as the sculptors of their children.Hail “Tiger Parenting” that believes in effort model of achievement.Consistent guidance,constant encouragement and persistent pressure to excel motivate the child to realize his full potential.

 

For me,the key again is Balance.It is neither Nature nor Nurture, it is both.A child carries some characteristic imprints in the form of genes that influence him.At the same time, presence of parents is the biggest present for a child.

 

Let us observe our children closely to understand what they have brought with themselves and raise them in sync with their temperament.

 

Effortful Control – Magic key for raising children

 

Child & Computer

Child & Computer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Does it happen to your child that he has an important assignment to finish, yet he can’t resist watching his favorite show on television.

 

Do you find your child losing his temper even when he realizes the consequences attached to it?

 

Does it happen to you too when you give in the temptation of eating that extra piece of cake or sleeping merrily in your gym hour?If we or our kids do it regularly,we need to assess our effortful control.

 

EFFORTFUL  CONTROL is the ability to do what we don’t want to do and the ability to not do what we eagerly want to do at that point of time.

 

We need to condition our minds to rationally decide upon our actions and teach our kids to develop effortful control.It begins with toilet training of the child and continues throughout the life.A child needs to be made  to understand that he can’t wear his favorite dress everyday or eat a pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

 

A tween needs to realize that she can’t apply makeup or wear jewelry to school.A teen needs to understand that he can’t spend all his waking time with his friends.

 

We as parents need to develop effortful control ourselves(bye-bye extra cheese and extra sleep).We need to communicate clearly and incessantly to our children to keep a check on their emotions and actions.

 

Each time I hear about a girl committing suicide, an adolescent colliding in speed with a vehicle,a teacher abusing a student in a fit of rage,a senior going overboard during  rampant ragging sessions in college,I tell myself to teach effortful control to myself and those around me.

 

Look at the Moon.Imagine what will happen if it refuses to rotate around earth out of boredom or gets delayed in waxing and waning as he was busy on Facebook.

 

The 4-2-1 syndrome

Fatherhood, By Robert Scoble

Fatherhood, By Robert Scoble (Photo credit: Thomas Hawk)

The number of children suffering from the 4-2-1 syndrome is on a rise or it could be called a 4-2-2 syndrome too.Well, it refers to four over indulgent grandparents and two busy parents taking care of one (or two) child. This over attention and over protection would certainly harm the child

When I talked about Grand Parenting, some parents talked about this over showering of love by the grandparents.

I, a believer of Moon Parenting, would repeat,”BALANCE is the key.”

Communicate with your parents and parents-in-law about the common goal-raising balanced children who can feast as well as fast with equal ease.Remind them that they were never  lenient and indulgent as parents and that you appreciated that.

We need to find new ways to make our children realize that money doesn’t grow in credit cards and happiness doesn’t actually mean eating a happy meal.Grand Parents come in really handy to drive this point home provided we can work as a wonderful flock of doves who fly in a V-Shaped formation.The dove flying in the front helps the dove flying behind him as his wing movement reduces the effort of  the dove back in line by 30 percent.When the leading dove gets tired, the dove in the back replaces him to maintain the momentum .

Hail Team Parenting.It is fun and fruitful.

What has my child taught me?

 

A child jumping

A child jumping (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

It is a very simple question unless we want to answer it.

 

When did I last thank my child for making me learn something new or something that i had forgot over the years?

 

As a life transformation coach,I have come across thousands of children in last fifteen years and they all have taught me in their own unique ways.(I have an abundant supply of this emotion called Parenting)

 

I have learnt from these children to value’The Power of Now‘.Children don’t know how to worry for the future. We teach them how to worry.The other day , my daughter had an assessment at school and she was merrily reading a Ruskin Bond novel.I reminded her twice in a fearful tone about her coming assessment.

 

“Is it essential to worry?”she asked me.

 

Children have hourly goals and daily dreams but they are the most important tasks till they last.

 

My daughter has taught me to be enthusiastic.She can make everything fresh and happening with her exuberance.She is excited to open a new bar of soap, she looks forward to meet her home room teacher everyday.

 

Lets learn from our children as much as we want them to learn from us.I am sure they will beat us hollow.