Controlling Founders and Possessive Parents: Boon or Bane?

Crushing Flower

Sense of owning what one creates is most natural an emotion. The love, the passion and the consistent involvement makes the creator extremely connected to his/her creation. Feelings like ‘This is mine’, ‘You cannot imagine or realise what I have gone through to build this’ gush through their hearts very often.

As a result parents of children as well as organisations/startups have difficulty in letting others enter their bastions. The problem is double edged due to following reasons:

1. Trust: Every founder and parent is skeptical about the intention and ability of the new experts/relations that they need.


Forced by market needs or profitability, founders seek professional help, hire CEOs and Directors. Most of them are guilty of selecting professionals who they personally like or feel comfortable with.


If obeying the promoters or agreeing with founders becomes the basic selection criterion, no major breakthrough can be achieved for the business.


After some time, the promoters start feeling that it is difficult to get competent people and it strengthens their flawed mindset that no one knows their business better than them.


If they actually select competent people who can turnaround their businesses but continue to micromanage by seeking daily reports and consistent interference, the competent but hired leaders feel stifled. They fail to develop belongingness and controlling founders lose talent soon.


Similarly, parents become wary of new friends, new relationships that the children want to forge because they can’t allow themselves to trust them.


When children get married, tectonic shift seems to happen in the minds of Indian mothers. It takes a lot of time before she gets ready to let go of her possessive streak. If she continues to feel threatened by the competent, loving wife, there could be long term unhealed scars jeopardizing the relationship forever.


2. Jealousy: Founders & Parents love their creations dearly. At the same time they cannot fathom the fact that someone could outdo them in managing/developing their creation. There is a deep insecurity among founders about their stature within the organisation. Most of the promoters of family owned businesses become insecure as the popularity charts of professional leaders soar in their organisations.


If the workforce start singing praises for the new leadership, if vendors and partners get along very well with the professional leaders, the founders/promoters get into panic mode. It is sad to see that they do not shy away from harming their own businesses while nurturing their mammoth egos and grinding their own ship to a halt.


Parents tend to become insecure if their children are happy with spouses. Mothers clearly create havoc when the daughters in law are appreciated and acknowledged.


Control and possession is due to extreme attachment and ego.


Getting attached to excellence and happiness is far more important than getting attached to organisation or children.


Dr. Swati Lodha is an Author, Entrepreneur, Motivational Speaker, Parenting expert based in Mumbai. Having written Bestsellers like Come on get set go  &  Why Women are What they are, her book on Parenting will be published soon. Currently, she is running Life Lemonade which offers unique Training Programs on Life Transformation, High Performance Leadership, Women Issues and Parenting.

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