This post was first published on www.madratgames.com – 07th April, 2016.
This social epidemic rampant in almost all close relationships is palpable, yet not accepted. We get our daily dose of the J word. It attracts us like the forbidden fruit. The closer we are, deeper are the seeds of jealousy. When we all fail, we feel sad, but when our best friend comes first, we feel worse.
A workshop participant of mine had appeared for her Pre-PG Exam after finishing her MBBS. Her husband also appeared for the same exam. When the result was declared, the husband checked the list on the college notice board and found that he had secured fifth rank. He could not find his wife’s name in the list and called her to console her. She told him to send her a picture of the list as she was confident of clearing the exam.
She saw the list and immediately called the husband.
“I have got the first rank.”
“What? How come?”
“How did you miss it?”
“I checked thrice but I checked below the fifth rank only”.
She shared the incident in the workshop and stirred several emotions. The husband felt worse when he realized that his wife fared better than him. Though he tried to hide his feelings and tried to justify his oversight, the wife got a bitter shock. Jealousy breeds in the funniest of ways and at the weirdest of places.
When others get what I am seeking: I experience the J factor when my friend gets the job that we both had applied for, when someone else marries my girl, when I lose the election. I wallow in self-pity, I feel extremely jealous when I am a complete loser. It is the most difficult to handle as there is no consolation prize available.
When others get more than me: I experience the J factor when my friend gets better rank than me though we both get selected, when his films enters the 200 crores club while mine is a little behind. In this situation, all is not lost, but jealousy still stimulates the loss. I try to justify to reduce the gap. I try to find innovative faults with the ranking and marking system to cushion the blow. This jealousy is competitive and continuous because the tides can change.
When my emotions overpower me: This J factor could be imaginary or exaggerated. When I feel that my parents love my younger sibling more, when I feel that the other girl looks better than me, when I feel that I am being ignored after the new entrant in our team. I start being an emotional freak. It could cause a breakdown or meltdown of several emotions leading to high voltage drama.
When I want to be a winner forever: This J factor is the most destructive and dangerous. When I can’t face failure, when I don’t know how to handle a no, when I firmly believe that I am the centre of the universe, I get jealous of every other achiever who is admired or loved. This unreasonable attitude could cause violent jealousy attacks leading to crimes.
Jealousy is universal. We all have experienced the bittersweet taste of this emotion. Let us not hide it. Let us not allow it to take deep roots. Let us accept it and tame it through honesty and positivity.
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