When you go for a football match session where your child is playing, do you feel a surge of emotions based on his performance? Do you witness some parents who clap over zealousy, shout advices, even abuse the referee or other players?
These parents who play in their minds alongside their children are those who take every performance of their children very seriously and expect each performance to be exceptional.
Such parents are hard task masters and performance oriented people. They feel like losers when their children don’t top the class or lag behind in a swimming competition.
Ask yourself if you are such a parent:
Such a parent would often be a performance oriented leader at his workplace. He would focus more on the outcome and be critical of efforts which do not translate into the best performance.
Pushy parents treat their children as subjects who should give their best and excel in competitions. Authoritarian Leaders treat their subordinates as team members being paid to deliver results. They neither ask how their children feel about their fixation with winning nor do they realise how their subordinates find them inhuman.
A 14 year old girl volunteering as a referee in a weekly soccer match of young boys was verbally abused by a set of such parents who were not happy with the performance of their children. They got into physical fighting with each other, further embarrassing the children.
There is nothing wrong in expecting a good performance from our children as well as team members provided they are considered “partners trying their best”. We, as parents and leaders need to focus on making the journey enriching rather than focussing only on the milestone.
When a leader experiences cut throat competition at workplace, he pushes his team to meet the targets while setting higher targets for the next month. He brings the same mind-set home and expects his children to focus on winning their next competition.
Balance is the key here. It is important to encourage our children to do better than the previous time but it is not right to push them to win. It is hilarious to advise them while they are performing a task. Similarly, it is important to guide our team to execute well but it is not right to discourage or criticise if they lag behind. As a parent and leader, we need to be an anchor by owning the responsibility if something goes wrong.
Don’t make your child lonely by pushing him too hard to win.
Don’t make your team members feel lost by focussing only on the outcome.
Value your child more than his performance.
Let’s remember: People forget what we do for them but they never forget how we make them feel.
This article was first published on www.babydestination.com on 29th April, 2016