Technology for MOMs – Learn to Post a Review on Amazon

Amazon.jpg

Technology has become our bestie these days. We use our phones, our laptops not only to connect with people but to conduct our businesses. This post is for all women who are scared of learning how to use simple technologies to connect better, to earn better.

Today, this post will teach you how to Post a review on Amazon as a customer. If you buy a Smartphone or a Body Lotion or a Book, post your experience in the form of a review.

Your review helps others to make informed choices and gradually you become a reputed reviewer.

This is what you need to do.

 

  • Please make an amazon account by visiting amazon.com

If you already have an amazon account (you will surely have one if you have ordered something from Amazon), please log in.

 

  • In the uppermost horizontal empty space mention the name of the product that you want to review.

 

  • It will take you to the product page. After the product details, you see a tab called ‘’Write a Product Review’’. On clicking, you will see five stars. Give the number of stars you want to give to the product and as soon as you are done. A box for writing the review will open.

 

  • Write in the box and you can insert the product link too.

 

  • Write a headline of the review in the next box and submit.

 

 

  • The top right space will show your name as Amazon Customer. You might change it to your name by clicking the ‘Change” button.

 

  • Logout after receiving ‘Thanks for your review’.

You will get a thank you mail from Amazon in your inbox for writing your customer review.

LEARN A NEW TECHNOLOGY THING EVERY DAY AND BE PROUD OF YOURSELF.

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I am an Author, Entrepreneur, Motivational Speaker, Parenting expert based in Mumbai. Having written Bestsellers like Don’t Raise Your Children, Raise Yourself (Amazon Bestseller), Why Women Are What They Are, Come On! Get Set Go

I am running Life Lemonade which offers unique Training Programs on Life Transformation, High Performance Leadership, Women Issues and Parenting.

Connect with me on Linkedin, Twitter @drswatilodha Facebook

Also read my best articles here!

 

 

Being Emotionally Intelligent Is Important – Part 2

Emotional Intelligence 2.jpgMy this article was first published on www.sheroes.in on 28th May, 2016

While attending an Executive Education Program at Harvard Kennedy School of Governance, we were given an emotional intelligence test – http://socialintelligence.labinthewild.org/mite/ wherein we were shown a pair of eyes with four choices of emotions being depicted by that pair of eyes. We were shown 20 pairs, 10 seconds each to tick the answer we felt was right.

The top five scorers were women and the highest score was a seventeen over twenty. A higher score meant a higher & deeper understanding of other people. In other words, it showed the higher emotional intelligence of women.

While the previous article emphasized on self-awareness and self-management, I will focus on remaining two parameters of emotional intelligence – social awareness and social skills in this article.

Social Awareness: Women are conditioned to put others before them. They think about needs of their family members before their own. When they walk into corridors of power, they still think about other team members, subordinates and staff members before themselves. Women leaders empathise better than the male counterparts and it becomes their asset. They put themselves in others’ shoes and understand their stories. They care more and their actions reflect their empathy. Apart from empathy, social awareness includes organizational awareness and service – orientation.

It has always been an area of concern that number of women at senior levels in any organization is negligible as compared to the number of women at the entry level. Though the reasons cited for this anomaly are many, ranging from ‘their family responsibilities’ to ‘their lack of ambition’, I feel that women lack organizational awareness – the ability to read the currents of organizational life, build decision networks and navigate politics. It is further fueled by attitude of men in senior positions who do not take conscious interest in mentoring women professionals.

From the beginning of their careers, women need to keep voicing their career plans. They should distinguish between long term and short term goals and build their profile and make networking a routine and priority activity.

Many women have conveyed it through their experiences that male bonding during informal get-togethers, off sites impacts decision making, tuning the women contenders out of major assignments. We, as women, must keep pushing gently into organizational politics by staying aware about what is happening around.

What women lose in organizational awareness, they make up for it through their excellent service orientation. Being excellent at recognizing others needs, they gauge customers’ needs better and ensure customer satisfaction.

Chanda Kochar & Shikha Sharma, mentored by ICICI’s Ex-Chairman KV Kamath are known for their excellent service orientation.

Young working women must keep their social awareness high by being empathetic, service oriented and aware about organizational networks and politics.

Social Skills: Emotional Intelligence gives an edge to a working woman and sets her apart from the rest. A woman like Sheryl Sandberg is extremely emotionally intelligent as she manifests superb social skills. She shows visionary leadership by inspiring others with her compelling vision.

She has started “Lean In Circles” which are small peer groups that meet regularly to learn and share from working women. A circle can be a monthly round table at a member’s house, a regular lunch or even a virtual meet–up. I see many enterprising young women in the digital space who are providing much needed support to young women entrepreneurs on sites like Mompreneurs India and many such groups. These groups have thousands of young women members who act as catalysts for each other and support each other to excel.

Indian women should strive to create a unified voice which communicates ‘a clear passionate wish for professional advancement’. Since many women do not promote each other, get into petty arguments, they lose the big chunk of professional pie. A network of emotional intelligent women would be high on communication. ‘Women talk in kilograms but communicate in milligrams’ is the general conventional idea which needs to change.

We, as women, must develop listening skills and skills to send clear, convincing and well – tuned messages.

If women become better conflicts managers, nobody would be able to hinder their career goals. It is important for us to learn to de-escalate disagreements and orchestrate resolutions. Being assertive but not aggressive is the key to express our emotions in a dignified manner.

Digital development has enabled women to network with ease and stay abreast with everything happening around them. Earlier, a woman at home would be disconnected from the professional front and thus lagged behind after a few years.

Now, a woman who decides to extend her maternity break or takes a sabbatical for adolescent children/elderly parents stays in touch with her colleagues and connects with many others through different online groups, meet-ups and blogging sites.

A Mom Bloggers Club connects more than 23,000 women online to give them a global exchange of ideas and support.

Groups of women entrepreneurs on social networking sites empower them to showcase their business products and services while staying at home. Enterprising women are ready to network with other women through these online enablers which are transparent and ethical. The admins of such groups ensure that rules are obeyed by all community members. They manage the groups with utmost sincerity and focus.

Know yourself, dwell deep within to discover yourself, connect with people, offer your empathy and understanding, create your online and offline presence, feel confident and act motivated wherever you are.

It is not difficult for a woman to practice emotional intelligence if she decides to do so. What are you waiting for?

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I am an Author, Entrepreneur, Motivational Speaker, Parenting expert based in Mumbai. Having written Bestsellers like Don’t Raise Your Children, Raise Yourself (Amazon Bestseller), Why Women Are What They Are, Come On! Get Set Go

 I am running Life Lemonade which offers unique Training Programs on Life Transformation, High Performance Leadership, Women Issues and Parenting.

Connect with me on Linkedin, Twitter @drswatilodha Facebook

Also read my best articles here!

5 Un-Parenting Principles

collage.swati.number.one.5.26.16.jpgThese Un-Parenting Principles come from my # 1 International Best Seller – Don’t Raise Your Children, Raise Yourself

The Book is an attempt to remind us of our role as gardeners in the lives of our children, as facilitators in their decision-making process.

1. Having a child makes you as much of a parent as having a guitar makes you a guitarist. (Click to Tweet)

2. Parenting is an emotion not possessed by all. Grow it or forget about being a parent. (Click to Tweet)

3. The extent of Patience, Discipline and Balance in the Parents define their intent as a Parent. (Click to Tweet)

4. Don’t take life and yourself too seriously to scare your children. Love, Limit and Let them be. (Click to Tweet)

5. Don’t grow cold as you grow old. Borrow some enthusiasm, creativity and curiosity from your children. (Click to Tweet)

The book is available for free download today – Don’t Raise Your Children, Raise Yourself

Don’t be a Pratyusha, be a Kangana.

Pratyusha & Kangana

A young engineering student who was doing well in academics and co – curricular activities, disappeared suddenly from her Mumbai home, just before her final exams.

No body – parents/friends/college authorities knew the reason of this act.

She had everything going for her – a placement with a reputed IT company, loving parents, fun-loving set of friends, no romantic involvement (according to friends).

In a letter written to her parents, she had mentioned a general disenchantment with the monotony of her life. She had also hinted at disappointing her parents (I don’t know how?)

The young-promising girl was bored with her life.

Newspaper reports are suggesting that IPL needs innovation because people are not hooked to this season due to predictable outcomes of the matches. Viewers are bored of IPL.

The major challenge for online retailing websites is conversion of page viewers into buyers. More than 10% of page viewers spend less than three minutes on the site and perhaps log in to another site for more window shopping. The viewers get bored in minutes.

When I was a child, I don’t remember feeling this feeling. We were so involved in studying, painting, playing, running around, cycling, watching films and so much more.

We were very busy being enthusiastic. We enjoyed playing all outdoor games even in sun because there were less indoor games. We can’t count the innumerable rounds of cards/ludo/carom which kept us busy.

On growing up, there were friends, resumes, interviews, marriage and we marched on. Being so involved in each of these activities, from where the hell do I get time to feel bored?

Times have changed.

Earlier, we could enjoy the slowest test matches too. Now we crave for enjoyable moments in a T20 Match and find it ordinary.

Earlier, getting good grades, a good job with a supporting family was all that we wanted. Now having all this is ordinary.

Earlier we felt excited & happy when we went for a holiday. Now, it is a routine and it doesn’t invoke excitement.

This is the price of privilege that we are paying.

What should we do to get that sense of awe, the feeling of wonder, the child like excitement back in our lives?

Why are we dragging ourselves through our lives despite of having much more of everything than our previous generations?

Why do we feel disheartened so soon? Why have we begun to prefer to hang our boots then to march on?

Let us stop for a while. Let us stop meandering through half-heartedly. Let us ask ourselves – “Why don’t we value ourselves?” “Why don’t we value life?”

If you are bored, admit and say it loud. Don’t run away, be a game changer.

Don’t be a Pratyusha, be a Kangana.

 

 

PIVOTING: From Start-ups to Parenting

Pivot

Pivoting is the new poster word of start-up lexicon. Though it is common sense and has been proven true by many businesses long ago, it has gained currency now.

‘The idea that finally makes a business big is generally not the ‘first look and feel’ of the idea. It is the shade of the original which has been tied and dyed or tweaked to make it more consumer appealing.

Earlier, businesses diversified or ventured into a virgin direction slowly but pivoting is now about pace.

“A start-up is not shotgun. It’s a machine gun. You have to hit multiple times”, says Vipul Mishra, Cofounder, Canvasflip, a start-up that has pivoted six times in a span of one year.

Let us understand the basics of Pivoting

1. Don’t forget the basics – A pivot is a central point on which a mechanism turns or escalates. It could be a person or a thing on which something turns, hinges on depends.

So, pivoting means that we might change our direction of movement, that mode of balancing but the central point remains the same.

In terms of business, the core idea/sector remains the same.

YouTube started in 2005 as a video dating site called Tune in Hook Up and later pivoted to online video sharing. The core space – online videos – remains the same.

In terms of Parenting, it means that the core idea of Parenting – unconditional love, silent observation, patient guidance and constant encouragement will not change in any age.

Also, children remain the pivots of parents’ lives till they are children. For Indian Parents, it is for life.

2. It is a strategic tool – Pivoting is quickly trying different related ideas/techniques if one idea doesn’t give beneficial results. It can go positive as well as negative. It will be positive if fuelled by passion, not by desire to raise or burn money.

Changing tracks without putting enough thought into the new roadmap does not work. Also, the team behind the idea should be committed and have the expertise.

In terms of business, lot of fundraising before pivoting is generally a road to destruction.

In terms of parenting, we need to try different styles of parenting for different phases and temperaments of our children. What worked a decade ago might not work today.

Technology has given birth to new challenges and hence new parenting styles. My book “Don’t Raise Your Children, Raise Yourself (Amazon Bestseller) talks about seven parenting styles while Diana Baumrind discussed three parenting styles in 1975 and it worked in the last century.

3. It accepts failure and motivates to move on – Many promoters and founders get so attached to their business ideas that they don’t readily accept its non viability.

Investors / Mentors can show them the related avenues. Pivoting improves resistance of entrepreneurs and makes them failure friendly. It keeps them nimble and open to accept failures and quickly move to asses other workable options. A passionate and expert team gives the confidence that they will make their teamwork work, whatever it takes. Snapchat succeeded after 24 failed ideas.

Parents should encourage their children to use pivoting in life – for choosing subjects, career options or jobs. Children might not be able to figure out their area of professional interest in one go. Many a times, parents and peers push them towards choices which are trendy and lucrative but might not be appropriate for them.

Parents must accept pivoting by their children and should support them if they wish to fine-tune or alter their choices.

References:

1. http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/small-biz/startups/from-a-potent-weapon-of-business-success-is-pivoting-turning-into-a-face-saving-strategy-for-failing-startups/articleshow/52377890.cms

2. My book “Don’t Raise Your Children, Raise Yourself (Amazon Bestseller)

*****

I am an Author, Entrepreneur, Motivational Speaker, Parenting expert based in Mumbai. Having written Bestsellers like Don’t Raise Your Children, Raise Yourself (Amazon Bestseller), Why Women Are What They Are, Come On! Get Set Go

I am running Life Lemonade which offers unique Training Programs on Life Transformation, High Performance Leadership, Women Issues and Parenting.

Connect with me on Linkedin, Twitter @drswatilodha Facebook

Also read my best articles here!

What Type Of Parent Are You ?

My Latest article that was first published on BabyDestination on 17th May, 2016

What Type of Parent are You?

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We generally believe that our thoughts make our words and our words make our actions. We act after we think. But most of our thoughts are shrouded in a fear of ‘what if’ before we act.
Before sitting for an exam or interview, we think ‘what if I don’t get through’.
Before investing our money in a business, we think ‘what if I lose it?’
Before admitting our love for someone, we think ‘what if he/she rejects me?’
Before delivering a speech, we think ‘what if I get ridiculed?’

It is alright to think about worst case scenarios but fretting over negative outcomes all the time is like inviting ripples of fear in the river of our life.
We not only think about negative ‘what if’s’ we tend to start believing them to an extent that it impacts our performance.
The more we think about negative outcomes, the more fearful we become.
Fearful individuals are fearful parents.

Super Parents are parents who value achievement and splendid performance in every walk of life. For them, outcome matters.
As a result, they suffer from fear of future. They scare their children to an extent that they become permanently anxious. Their expectations skyrocket and their children feel the pressure of those expectations. They start feeling that failure is a crime and should be avoided.

Bulletproof Parents protect their children from every obstacle and try to make their life problem free. They are scared that something might harm their children. Fear of pain, physical or emotional makes them over cautious. Their fear makes their children indecisive and dependent on their parents.

Yes Parents want to be known as cool, understanding parents who agree to everything that their children do or demand. They suffer from a fear of rejection by their own kids. As a result, children become overconfident and unrealistic. They don’t learn to face harsh realities of the ways of the world.

Designer Parents believe in luxury as a synonym for life. They value product experiences which are the most expensive and they give you a social edge. They provide the most expensive lifestyle for their children as they suffer from fear of social pressure. They want to establish their uniqueness by showing off their purchasing power. Their children are materialistic and brand conscious. They fear misery and frugality as they feel comfortable in excesses only.

Polarised Parents value their individuality more than anything else. As a result, they fear the loss of their freedom if they make a cohesive parenting plan. They rigidly stick to their opinions and fail to mentor their children. The confused children are lonely and fear being left hanging on a cliff.

Think if you are fearful as a Parent. Ask yourself if most of your decisions germinate from a seed of fear.

Stop raising your children with a daily dose of fear. Your fearful upbringing will surely make your children risk averse and mediocre which would be the biggest disservice to them and the nation.
Let go of the Fear of Failure. Teach them to welcome Failure.
Let go of the Fear of Pain. Teach them to stand up to turmoil.
Let go of the Fear of Rejection. Teach them to be confident.
Let go of the Fear of Loss of Freedom. Teach them to empathize and adapt.

Have a look at My latest Amazon Bestseller E-Bookon Parenting:
http://www.amazon.in/gp/product/B01FBFBEKI/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=3626&creative=24822&creativeASIN=B01FBFBEKI&linkCode=as2&tag=httpwwwbabyde-21

What did you think about ‘What type of parent are you ?’ Share your thoughts with us in the comments section

Don’t Raise Your Children, Raise Yourself

Madrat DRYCRY.png

This article was first published on MadratGames on 16th May, 2016.

http://www.madratgames.com/dont-raise-your-children-raise-yourself/

Though we might feel that we are perfect parents blessed with imperfect children, let’s face it- we need to learn to upgrade our abilities to parent our children.

ONE OF THE PARENTABILITY PRINCIPLES IS TO PREPARE YOURSELF TO HAVE A CRESCENDO PRESENCE IN THE LIVES OF YOUR CHILDREN.

Though Moon doesn’t slice itself away or grows the slices back, people on the earth see it as waning and waxing. Similarly, parents don’t appear or disappear, but they should make children perceive the presence of parents in their lives as waning and waxing.

Our presence in the beginning years of your child resembles the Full Moon phase. As they grow up, our presence should move towards the waning gibbous phase. Our kids will see our presence reducing and their freedom rising while we can keep our presence intact by being observant.

By the time they enter tween age, we enter the last quarter phase where half of the Moon is visible. We let them take minor decisions by subtly guiding them to choose the right alternative. We hand over the physical reins to our children while keeping the mental reins with us. As they enter college, our presence reaches the waning crescent phase in their eyes. They become more self-reliant and self-confident but we hang on as a moral compass, as a shock absorber, as a warning bell in this precarious phase.

Presence of parents reaches a new Moon phase once the kids become financially and emotionally independent. In the west, it happens early and in east, this phase might pass with a blink. But this phase should come for some time to see how children fare in life with the help of wisdom accumulated over the years’ sans the active guidance of parents.

In spite of rising nuclear families, Moon Parenting believes that grand parenting is genuinely ‘grand’ parenting.

The beauty of being parents begins now. We enter the waxing crescent phase by visiting them or helping them in the hour of need. Our presence increases when our children marry and become parents themselves. If our children saw us respecting, valuing and taking care of our parents, they would certainly value us.

In my opinion, our children can get the best return from their lives if they have us around as grandparents for their children. This is the first quarter phase where Moon is again half visible. We become a wonderful bridge between our children and grandchildren as we reach the waxing gibbous phase. With the foundation of right values and balanced life-style, we reach the full Moon phase in our twilight years. This is the time when we need the warmth of our children.

If we are a good role model, our children will certainly be with us emotionally, if not physically.

This crescendo presence parentability principle is based on Indian family system. The self-sufficiency of Indian family system gives amazing emotional security, day-to-day mutual convenience and value addition.

A child does not demand to be born. We choose to have a child. We should choose it when we are ready for it, when we can give our crescendo presence in their lives.

This is an excerpt from Dr. Swati Lodha’s bestseller book titled – “Don’t Raise Your Children, Raise Yourself

About the Author

Being Emotionally Intelligent Is Important!

This article was first published on https://sheroes.in/  on 11th May, 2016

Being Emotionally Intelligent Is Important!

Emotional Intelligence 1.jpg

A thirty year old successful chartered accountant called me. She had been a participant of my workshop around eight years ago. She narrated her life story in a few minutes and it sat me thinking. She married the guy she loved after a four year courtship but wanted to get separated after a year. She seemed unhappy with her work too as it was stressful. Her voice sounded lifeless, her tone hardened. Since I generally remember my workshops participants and their personalities long after their completion of workshops, I often talk and meet many of these young people whom I guided as adolescents.

When I met these young, ambitious working brigade of girls and boys, I often wonder – they are intelligent (have a look at their grades and packages) and they are emotional (they show them through their reactions). But are they emotionally intelligent? Perhaps not.

Daniel Goleman explains the four pillars of emotional intelligence as self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and social skills.

For personal and professional happiness, women need to strengthen all the four parameters. This article will focus on the first two pillars while the next article will cover the remaining two.

Self-Awareness: Women, since childhood get conditioned by expectations of others. If they are given a social rule book to follow at an early age, they bend their personalities to fit in the mould of social approval. As a result, they fail to assess their own emotions. When girls are not aware about their own emotional well-being, they lead a life designed by others. They never feel at home because they have never asked themselves:

  1. What makes me happy, excited, and ecstatic?
  2. What makes me sad, frustrated and depressed?
  3. What makes me angry and furious?
  4. What makes me feel like I have achieved something?
  5. What makes me feel loved, valued and respected?
  6. What do I love to do?
  7. What do I dislike or fear in people/situations?
  8. What scares me?

If a woman can answer these questions personally and professionally, she would gain emotional awareness about herself. She would be able to read and understand her own emotions which will surely help her to improve her work performance and relationships.

Each woman must evaluate her strengths and weakness with a realistic eye, so that she is well aware of her place in the sun.

A girl pampered by her parents will not be able to face the world. At the same time, a woman needs to talk and show her strengths at the workplace. A silent worker in the name of being righteous works wonders for others. There is no harm in claiming credit for what you have done. Highlight your strengths and dilute your weaknesses. You will be able to do so only when you know about them.

Self-awareness means being aware about your self-worth. Lot of people around us love to demoralise us or play with our confidence. Many superiors would use demotivating language in the name of giving constructive feedback. An emotionally self-aware woman would be able to differentiate between honest, valid feedback and deprecating, jealous feedback.

Assess your self-worth yourself. If you feel confident, you act confident and you don’t empower others to play with your self-worth.

I met a young mother who was working as an administrative assistant. She said “No one in my family ever expected me to study for a lucrative career. Even I did not expect much from myself as no one else did”. She never tried to assess her own potential as she only believed in what others wanted her to believe.

Self-Management: To be emotionally intelligent, a woman must be good at regulating her habits, behaviour and value system. Women tend to go overboard with their emotions sometimes. If a man cries during an interview (Thank You Kapil Dev), he is considered human, but if a woman does so, she is termed weak.

We need to be honest with our emotions but regulate their expression. It is prudent to control our impulsive responses in formal work environment.

Though woman are adaptive to changing situations and overcoming obstacles. I witness an unwelcoming change these days. Millennia’s get upset when they don’t get their way. Adaptability doesn’t come easy to them.

Self-Management includes a drive to achieve excellence in the chosen area of interest with readiness to seize opportunities.

An emotionally intelligent woman is balanced. She doesn’t shy away from starting conversation or blowing a whistle.

She would be ready to go to unimaginable lengths to prove her presence under the sun.

When I spoke to start up enthusiast Sweta Mangal who launched ambulance services in many states through Ziqitza Healthcare, she shared her experience.

“I started the venture with three of my friends when a personal tragedy made us realize the need. I have worked as CEO of the company for eight years. Then I stepped down from day to day responsibilities as I became a mother.” She has just launched a medical app called MUrgency to facilitate medical services online. The sheer detachment from one role and a mature transition into another speaks volumes about the emotional intelligence of this passionate woman.

If a woman is emotional and academically intelligent, it is a half battle won. To win the full battle, to enhance personal happiness and professional success, we must hone our emotional intelligence by becoming more aware about ourselves.

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I am an Author, Entrepreneur, Motivational Speaker, Parenting expert based in Mumbai. Having written Bestsellers like Don’t Raise Your Children, Raise Yourself (Amazon Bestseller), Why Women Are What They Are, Come On! Get Set Go

I am running Life Lemonade which offers unique Training Programs on Life Transformation, High Performance Leadership, Women Issues and Parenting.

Connect with me on Linkedin, Twitter @drswatilodha Facebook

Also read my best articles here!

Shut up! Moms and Dads

Yesterday, we were going through our yearly ritual of arranging the pictures and videos of our family on my laptop. I had asked my family photographer (they existed a decade ago!) to send me all the videos he had recorded over the last two decades so that I could store them in my laptop. I received many videos of my daughter from the time she learnt to talk, walk or hold a ball.

One video caught my attention where she must be around three years and she was trying to play badminton with me and my mother.

She tries to hit the shuttle cock with the racket. She sits down and puts the cock in the centre of the oval racket. She stands up balancing the racket and tries to bounce the shuttle by moving the racket.

I move towards her and show her the right way of doing it. I give verbal instructions also to the three year old who was trying to figure out the shuttle cock and the racket.

After two-three minutes, she is able to hit the cock with her racket a bit – she shrieks and jumps with joy. She is thrilled “It happened, it happened”, is what she repeats as she jumps.

“Don’t shout so much!” I tell her.

Not only this, I tell her to try more.

As the video ended, I was so angry with myself. I felt like giving a mouthful to myself.

How callous of me to try to teach stuff to a three year old, spoiling her exploratory journey and putting her down.

How brutal of me to tell her not to shout when she genuinely wanted to.

I was a young, unexperienced foolish Mom like many of us here who sadly believe that they know how to raise kids. Some of us like to advice and admonish, like me, all the time.

Some of us like to scare and scrutinise them.

As parents, we have all the right and some capability to encourage & guide them but we need to learn how and when to do it.

How many times do we try to bend down to the level of a child? We speak the same adult language to them to make them understand our viewpoint. The hurried tone, the eagerness to teach, the repetitive scanning of habits is full of words, normal for adults but scathing for toddlers.

For children below three, can we shut up and observe?

Can we spend more relaxed time noticing their actions, their reactions? Can we lovingly show rather than tell?

I wish I had someone who could tell my immature self to be less verbal and more loving with my three year old.

We need to reach to their level and talk only as much as they understand. Do the actions and they will follow.

As our children grow up, we tend to advise them every now and then. There is nothing wrong in guiding them but most of us actually try to instil fear in them through our advices.

“If you do not study well, then you do not get your cycle.”

“If you don’t get selected, you will not be successful.”

“If you do not make it to the top schools, you will disappoint us.”

We keep sprinkling such sentences in our conversations from the early childhood and the damaging outcomes are seen much later.

Can we observe our child and notice his skills.

Academic Skills – What does he enjoy reading? Does he ask questions? Which subjects is he/she repulsive to?

Social Skills – Does he feel comfortable in groups? How does he/she handle peer pressure? Do they try to fit in or hold their ground? Do they like to lead or get led?

Creative Skills – Check their disposition towards design thinking, exploring products or ideas. Do they get fascinated by automobiles or computers or cooking?

Artistic Skills – Observe them closely to see if they like to sing or dance or draw or paint or play. Do they take to sun or water or exercising?

Spiritual Skills – Notice if they like to pray or stay silent? Observe their moments of complete focus.

Physical Skills – Notice their physiological strengths and their agility. Expose them to various sports to see if they take to any of them.

Emotional Skills – Observe your children to see what makes them happy, irritated, sad, scared, frustrated, playful or angry.

Our observing skills are more important than our oral skills in the first decade of our child’s development.

Don’t Raise Your Children, Raise Yourself

During the teenage, our over confidence with respect to our children can be fatal.

“I know you very well”.

“You are not trying enough”.

“We have sacrificed so much for you”

These are some sentiments of parents which are largely untrue.

We hardly know what is going on inside the minds and hearts of our children unless we give them complete confidence that they can come back to us come what may.

Since they are scared of our responses to their choices, they hide the wishes of their heart from us. In the process, they drift away slowly but our over confident selves continue in denial, firmly believing that we know our children well.

Try to remember all the things, all the statements of parents that hurt you as a teenager. Ascertain that you are not hurting your children in the same way.

We need not have rigid career expectations from them because they can make a career out of so many avenues available in different fields.

I saw the amazing photography by a young wedding photographer who left his MNC job to start his photography start up. He is happy to be known as a celebration photo shoot expert which was unheard of two decades ago.

Shut up and listen to your children’s songs which they might be nurturing secretly. Don’t sing for them or handover the lyrics to them. Give them the courage to write their own songs and compose their own music from their heart.

Shut up and learn their language. Speak your mind without being judgemental. We expect our children to listen to us and obey us. But we are their companions, their well-wishers, not their bosses. “Don’t talk back”, “Don’t argue” are our favourite comments once they grow up. Parents equate disagreement with disrespect which becomes painful.

We can surely disagree without disrespecting the other person. Our children are not our clones. We must celebrate their uniqueness and let them be.

Love them, limit them but let them be.

 ****

I am an Author, Entrepreneur, Motivational Speaker, Parenting expert based in Mumbai. Having written Bestsellers like Don’t Raise Your Children, Raise Yourself (Amazon Bestseller), Why Women Are What They Are, Come On! Get Set Go

 I am running Life Lemonade which offers unique Training Programs on Life Transformation, High Performance Leadership, Women Issues and Parenting.

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Don’t Raise Your Children, Raise Yourself

DRYCRY

It’s Out.
My Mother’s Day gift to my mom and my daughter.

Download the Kindle App on your laptop or phone (iOS/Android) or directly use your Kindle. Please log in to your Amazon account and purchase the book.

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DON’T RAISE YOUR CHILDREN, RAISE YOURSELFHow often do you feel inadequate and helpless as a parent when you are not sure about your actions as parents? Don’t you wish there was an “owners manual” for parents that would give you the insights, the knowledge, the skills and the…AMAZON.IN

After reading this ‘Un-Parenting’ Guide, parents will feel empowered as Parents and Mentors to their children.

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Ask yourself why you want children” is the most sensible question to answer before deciding to become a Parent.

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